Um… Yeah, except there is no god.
Of the great Western-style Democracies, ours is populated by the most ignorant and undeservedly arrogant people. Let’s drop the whole religious thing for a few minutes. It adds immeasurably to the case for American idiocy, and clearly we are by far the most religious of the world’s democratic nations. No small coincidence, one can be sure. Let’s see – reason… or superstition? Reason or superstition? Which is the more noble path for Homo sapiens (wise man) to follow? I just can’t make up my mind – being an American. But, again, let’s leave it alone. No amount of rational explanation could ever break through the closely guarded minds of believers in the supernatural. After all, they didn’t get to that point by the use of reason (even though the tool was readily available) so why would they let reasoned discourse sway them now? Oh, that it were so easy to make a bright person out of a moron.
Let’s just use this current election cycle as a way of examining the intelligence of Americans. There will be absolutely no attempt here to offer either of the major candidates as the more logical choice of an intelligent citizenry, nor any of the possible alternatives, such as voting 3rd party or starting a revolution. Let’s just look at what the American people find to be fascinating and insightful pieces of information to be narrowly picked over in an effort to come to an unbiased decision on who would be the best person to take charge after this same electorate in their infinite and seemingly inexhaustible wisdom, elected George W. Bush to serve, not one, but two terms as its leader.
Here are 25 “issues” that have come up during the primaries and the early part of the general campaign. One looks at these and rubs hands in glee with the knowledge that the next 3 months can only figure to bring many more crucial “issues” for the brain-dead American populace to mull before making its final decision, informed by the wisdom of their God. Oh. Sorry. I wasn’t going to bother with that. It’s just too annoying that people in this country actually take pride in their god-given “special” status, when it is clear that we are special only in the same sense as “special” education.
1. Is Obama a Muslim? Who the fuck cares? Read the Constitution lately?
2. Why isn’t Obama patriotic enough to wear a flag pin on his coat? Who the fuck cares?
3 Obama doesn’t say the Pledge. Bullshit.
4. Obama went to a madrassa as a child. Bullshit. And who the fuck would care if he did?
5. Obama went to
6. Jeremiah Wright said bad things about
7. Hillary told a lie about her experiences in
8. Hillary’s 3 AM campaign ad. Brilliant ad. It had
9. McCain was attacked for being a prisoner of war. Bullshit. General Clark said it wasn’t a qualification for president. But who the fuck cares if he was attacked?
10. McCain divorced his first wife and married a young hottie. OK, so not everything done by Americans is dumb. Who the fuck cares about his personal life?
11. McCain is too old. He can either do the job or he can’t. None of us know if we will be here tomorrow. We’d be better with an 80 year old with moderate skills than “W”.
12. Cindy McCain was a drug addict. Of course she was. Maybe stupidity makes us all need a little something to get by.
13. Look at the percentages of whites voting for Hillary. Blacks make up 10% of the population and Obama won the Democratic primary. Statistics deceive.
14. McCain called his wife a cunt. She probably is. Who the fuck cares what language people use in their private lives?
15. Michelle Obama said this was the first time she’s been really proud of her country. Who the fuck cares? I’m happy for her that she found something.
16. A priest who supports Obama ridiculed Hillary. If dumbass
17. Parsley and Hagee both said awful things. Who the fuck cares? What did we expect from clergymen? What the fuck does it have to do with McCain?
18. Obama said people cling to guns and bibles. Yeah, no shit – they do. What else would a country of fools do?
19. McCain said we might be in
20. McCain said “Al Qaeda” when he meant “extremists”. Is that anything like saying evangelical when you meant fundamentalist? Who the fuck cares?
21. McCain sang, “Bomb
22. The New Yorker ran an awful cover of the Obamas. Bullshit. It was funny! But the New Yorker should have known that satire doesn’t work on idiots.
23. Obama does a terrorist fist jab. I know where I’d like to jab my fist; on about 150 million American retards.
24. Obama disrespected Hillary by dusting off his shoulders. OK. Is everyone over the intense hurt of that one now? Or shall we talk about it for another week of the campaign?
25. If Obama is elected, he won’t take the Oath of Office on the Bible. One could only wish this were true. Alas, Bullshit.
Just think of how many hours of broadcast, thousands of print articles, and endless Internet discussions and blog posts have been devoted to these “issues”. Do a mental comparison of the 25 "issues" with real ones like climate change, the environment, fossil fuel dependency, repairing the damage done to our Constitution by the current administration, the myriad of economic problems here and abroad, healthcare, respect for science, dealing with terrorism without resorting to unnecessary wars against sovereign nations that have not attacked us. It’s clear that these are the issues that should occupy 90% of the discussion to determine who is best qualified to lead the
None of this is to say that
Hat tip to The Exterminator for creative consultation.